April Bullet Journal 2020

Hello! March has been quite the month so I’m happy to move right on to April. This edit is focused on the colour red, specifically strawberries. I love a clean simple spread so that’s what I went with. Please do not mind my doodles, I am no artist.

The pens I used were Crayola SuperTips in a bright red. Stabilo pens in red and pink. Also, a stabilo point 88 in red. As well as a matador I-teen oil gel pen for bold writing and a matador hi-school to write. I love this set because it is having a monochromatic moment and is really easy to carry around.

Just before the title page I used the space to add a drawing, a quote and a key for my bullet journal. The strawberries are dancing to the beat of the music from the milk. To further expand on my terrible pun they are shaking to the beat, a strawberry milkshake if you will. I love puns.
For me, I chose to write something that would keep me productive and on task. I have so much more time with quarantine and because of it I have had to move back home. So now I have more time but I need to work around 6 other people so I needed to write something that would remind me to keep my sense of peace and my focus. I can lose sleep if need be.
I know, a quarter of the way in 2020 and I only added a key now. I am really happy with it though and it is something I have been using a lot this month and the last so it was the right time.

I always try to have an artsy title page and for this month I went with a simple but bold strawberry milk carton that says April on the front. The design was so easy even I could do it. I really like how it turned out. Side note but I have quite a sensitive stomach and milk is a little iffy with me. Recently, I have noticed that my bones are cracking a lot more and my muscles are tensing up often. Now this is very well because I have started working out again, however I do need to start adding more calcium into my diet frequently to compensate. This is quite a side note but thank you for reading.

Now, my calendar idea is from Caitlin’s corner and I absolutely love it. The design is so simple yet so detailed. The columns are as follows: date, habit tracker, event and gratitude line, I also added a smiley column to show my mood that day. I love the simplicity of ticking off the habits once I have completed them and it all being tidy in one area, I feel like I have a register for my goals. The events space is for any dates to remember and the gratitude line is to make sure I keep a hopeful head on my shoulders.

Ta dah! I have added a youtube spread to my journal!! This is something I’ve always wanted to and now with my panicking mind I enjoy editing a video. If you have any ideas I’d love to know, this space is for me to in detail create a video. I do not plan on posting 7 videos this month but I kept the space for it because not all ideas are great ideas. I’m not quite sure how useful this spread is function wise but the shadow boxes look cool.

Next up an expense tracker. But in detail. My plan is to give myself lots of space to write about my purchases and why I am grateful for what is provided. This will help me be more appreciative for what I have and make me hopefully, spend more consciously.

If this post is still going up then that means I am continuing with Chloe Ting’s shred workout challenge. Although, it is very hard I am hopeful on this programme. I don’t know how well I’ll do after two weeks but I’d like to track some thoughts and my progress daily so I can do better the next time. A simple spread but I am excited to use it.

Finally, we are at my daily page, in hindsight this idea is probably best for busy days and not to keep busy. I enjoy using task boxes now because I feel more constructive with everything. Honestly, I feel satisfied ticking the boxes when something is complete. Any motivation to get me to be productive is good at this point.

beep boop we are good to! So far this month I am super happy with my spreads and they have helped me feel like I’m doing something with my life during this quarantine so I am happy with it. I would recommend you try it out.

Thank you 😀

If you would like a video format of this blog post it will be linked below.



I have destructive behaviour. By that I honestly mean I am destroying myself and anything good. I do it i think as a form of punishment, my biggest issue is avoidance and numbing, they work together to break me. In the moment I feel bad so I’ll do something like not let myself go out for the day, not eat/force myself to over eat or even like damage my skin. Bad stuff. Not good. Sad introduction but I do want to heal.

I need to have empathy for future Shazeda. She has to deal with the aftermath of every step, all the regret and hate and no more. Or at least less. I’m going to do some things that will make future Shazeda happy.

  • Stay away from gross things. Fake vibes ew not for me. Shout “Am i bothered?” Scream “NOPE THANK YOU NEXT” if need be but Leave. That. Situation.
  • Also, not loving and valuing the relationships of those who care about you is sad and should not be taken lightly. Apologise if you can, and appreciate for no particular reason. Pick a person and think good thoughts about them for 10mins. Whether you let it out as a text, call, doodle etc. is up to you but send some good vibes around. Let that be the energy that stays with you.
  • Catch up on the back flow work. One way or another it needs to come out and yes I mean it needs to leave your todo list even if it’s shit, as long as it’s done. Gross metaphor but seriously a gross habit that future you is being strangled with.
  • Pee WHEN YOU NEED TO pee I don’t understand why I do it but I will hold my pee and my bladder will get mad at me. Just pee when you can. Idk random but just v necessary to me.
  • When you have a feeling for better or worse it is an emotion you are going through. Do not dismiss it. Do not eradicate it. Give it 2mins and some appreciation to your heart, love yourself. Even when you’re feeling ashamed and especially when you’re feeling hostile.
  • Drink water. Do a face mask. Brush your teeth and use mouthwash. Make your bed. Eat a piece of fruit or carbs or whatever makes your tummy happy. Sleep regularly. All the basic levels of self care to remind your nervous system that we love you and support you and just want you to do your bestest and are here to help out in any say.

That’s all from me Bee! This is kind of very personal but I’ve been seeing some thing on anxiety and I don’t really know what exactly this is related to I’m not a doctor. But these destructive behaviours need to be replaced with love and help create a change that I don’t think is really talked about.

Do you have any of your own self destructive behaviours? Have you ever felt like even you were against you at some point? Let yourself breathe.

Love you. Shazeda.


Holding up the Universe by Jennifer Niven

You haven’t read this book? I read it in a day. I’m such a self-help non-fiction kinda book junkie that even I was annoying myself with unsolicited advice. I needed a break. And damn, why did no one remind me of the mystical powers of a fictional book? Seriously, my ears are full of reviews on classics and that has just been tuned out. So, getting this book was an absolute whim. I’m pretty sure I judged it by the cover and got it when it was on sale (on Amazon). I’m happy though. It’s a nice light read. The book does touch on some serious topics but as story telling goes Jennifer Niven did a good job at it.



A look at my Boxing Day purchases

Here I thought I was super good at choosing what to buy in sales. But um was it all worth it? *tears slowly falling on my face* maybe not.

Okay a lot of it was actually really good and let me just get that out of the way. I am super grateful for having the money to spend on everything I want so no hate. I did at one time want all these items so I’m happpy,

But. That being said. There are certain reasons some things work out the way they do and it ain’t always fun. Some big misses to remember for next year.

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Homesick so I made a YouTube channel

So, I’m here. Who saw it coming? But um did anyone see Muslim girl moving out? Not married? Well your darn right I did that. Why? Well… I needed space. And now that I have space I want to go home again. Until I’ve gone home and remember why I left.

Let me explain. I love my family so much but there’s a lot of us and having to take in the energy from everyone and everything was really getting to me. I wanted a fresh start so I made a financially big decision. Option 2 was get a bouncy castle and live there and I’m still confused why I didn’t choose that one.

At the time I was all like whatever I can live alone I can do this. And don’t get me wrong I may have burnt some food, overwatered my meals (check the video) and my room may still be messy (if this is my mum reading this then no my room is never messy). But homesickness hit me so hard in a way I couldn’t imagine.

Like I mentioned I have a pretty big family (6 not including me) and they’re all pretty loud and extroverted whilst I’m introverted and although I can be sociable I need twice as much down time to work with it. So leaving sounded like a haven. My own space. Until. Until I actually missed my annoying siblings. Until I missed my Dad’s constant lectures. Until I couldn’t even have my mum judge everything I buy when I walk through the door with shopping bags. And now I’m in a room with a tub of PB at my bedside and cranberry juice in my cup. And all by myself. I miss my family.

So I made a YouTube channel. Did I tell them about it? No. But it is kind of for them. I want to share my life with them and have a connection. But also who am I kidding, didn’t everyone want to make a YouTube account after Bethany Mota? Not going to lie I’m not the best. I know my audio is absolute trash. Yes, I am using iMovie to edit. I am that basic (minus the MacBook (for now)) so expect so,e cringe worthy videos. But expect videos because I am so hyped about them.

I’m not going to force anyone to watch. That might not be your thing and that’s totally cool. But be ready to have every video shared on this page. Recording videos does not make me love writing out my life any less. Wow has anyone watched ‘You’ on Netflix? “Oh she was asking to be seen” like shut up I’m sharing all this with you be grateful you do not need to go above and beyond as a stalker NO body asked for that. Anyways, that show annoyed me (I watched it in two nights).

I was supposed to be ending this post.

Oh right, my videos yeah so I make videos. I am a young trainee video creator so watch out world. More creative Shazeda. Anyways here’s my first video. Maybe I sound like I’m blurting everything so maybe watch the video for more insight? Maybe.

Love you. Shazeda.

Also, my first YouTube video, don’t let me know what you think haha I’m nervous.

Lessons from outside the classroom

I have finished the first term of my second year at uni and everything has flipped. I’m not going to get into that. I do however, want to share some lessons I’ve learnt from this year so far. These aren’t necessarily focussed on improving studies (but if you want that, let me know) but more the social aspect and getting your self together.



I got a new bullet journal and I could not wait so I set it up on the last month of this year. That is who I am, that is my plan and I’m not going to stop till I am at the top, you can bet on it. Forever using HSM references ah. Zac needs to release some music.

The theme of my bullet journal is travelling because I want to explore the world so much more. I don’t think I’ve ever had wanderlust as strong as I do now. So, the title page reflects that. I’m not very artsy crafty but I saw this on pinterest and it is perfect.



Bright Minds Empty Souls by Jennae Cecelia

My heart is living but also living lonely. I’m a little bit (lot) sick right now, I feel so unwell and my head might just roll off because of how heavy this cold is. Just pray for me to feel better please kay. As I read my poetry book of the month all the feels just pour out. I’m currently eating custard and reading. I love her writing because when it resonates with you, it describes how you feel so fluently. I’m a little bit of a mess and I show my appreciation for this book by taking pictures of it okay. It’s gonna be a bunch for Pinterest (my pins) so if you’re into that then you’re welcome. I really do hope you like them as much as I do.

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Currently I am…

Writing this piece as my Bestfriend sleeps so I’ve got to be quiet. I was always afraid of having people over. Maybe it was the nerves I’d get before they arrived or if I was being a good host enough. It was some weird stress. Right now, it is the morning after and I feel okay. I mean, i cannot open the window because all the noise will come in and I don’t want to leave so when she wakes she’s not all alone. I’m just going to fit in a quick blog post here.

I just had a cookie, rest assured as amazing as that cookie was, t’was not a good idea. Gotta stay off the milk Shazeda; you’re lactose intolerant. It was a good cookie though, the white chocolate and pecan cookies from Asda. Amazing. Very in season. Must have. Stomach has some regrets but doesn’t it usually?

Anyways. I am currently 19years 11months and 8days old. At this moment I am…



Mask Time S.O.S Box for oily skin

My favourite purchase from comic con I do not care this me, this is who I am. The event was super lively and fun. The funniest moment had to have been while I was purchasing these masks a scary death eater came and scared my friend so much she screamed and crouched to the ground! I never imagined to be the person who bursts out laughing in the face of a death eater.

Anyways, besides, the point. I’m such a face mask hoarder because they are so amazing for my skin. So, when I saw this stall my self-care heart was pulled towards it. They hade a wide variety of masks being sold and then I saw these special boxes of masks and they looked so cute. The lovely lady explained that they have specially picked masks for specific skin types. It looked so fun so of course I bought it. I’m not sure how I justified my purchase other than I love me so I’m going to get it and maybe if I write a post on it then it’ll be worth it even more.

Oh guys, spoiler alert… I’m getting masks from here for sure. If you want to then I’d say subscribe now and you can get 25% off your first month (till Nov 30 2018). They’re a monthly subscription service of Korean face masks with the cutest packaging and an simple guide in every box. If you’re feeling even slightly hyped from this post then for the price especially I’m sure you’d love it just as much as I do. Considering that a sheet mask from Superdrug’s is usually £3 don’t quote me but you know) buying 4 for £9.95 (the glow starter box) is less than £2.50 a mask and is delivered straight to your door. No fuss whatsoever, for a mask each week of the month to treat yo self.

A key ingredient for treating oily skin is tea tree oil. The MEDIUS – SOS WATER BALM PORE CARE MASK is perfect for dehydrated and oily skin moments. In winter, the cold air can be a little much for even the toughest skin so this mask is here to fight back and bring in moisture. It contains hyaluronic acid to relieve dehydration and I’m excited to use this after long day outdoors and after a good scrub.

My favourite skin ingredient is vitamin C, I’d rub oranges on my face if that was a thing. I love the smell and my main problem is blemishes (and girl let’s be honest all the marks from pimple popping). The ENTIA – MERINGUE CLOUD MASK is the most fun mask for that. It’s a bubble mask so be prepared to take a lot of selfies as the product works on exfoliating dead cells to remove excess oils and brighten your skin. I’m going to use this before a special day out because it tightens pores and makes the skin extra soft and smooth. It’s going to make my makeup sit on my face so much better and I’m hyped for the cute selfies that will come from this.

The NO:HJ – BANANA SSUL MASK IN TEA TREE was actually the first one I tried because the packaging is so cool and I found it so interesting to use banana and tea tree. I got so excited when I opened the packet because it was a black sheet and I’m so used to white sheet masks the change was fun. I have to mention regardless of the description the mask smelled great and left me feeling glowing and happy. This mask is amazing for sensitive and blemish prone skin, which is what I wanted to deal with that winter evening.

The MEG COSMETIC – TWO STEP JELLY MASK CALMING & PORE CARE mask is a two step jelly mask kit and if that doesn’t sound like fun then I’m sorry but we can’t be friends. It looks kind of scary though because you’re basically supposed to swab at dead skin cells and buildup to improve complexion. I love because my jaw area is acting up. Then, the second step aims to moisturise your skin for up to 120 hours after. A big claim there so I will take some time to apply this mask correctly and hey I’ll let you know my results so come back to keep posted.

This is the cutest mask because I know the drink, I love the drink so a face mask version is just making my heart flutter. This mask by SKIN’S BONI – YOGHURT BONIMINI WASH OFF MUD PACK CHARCOAL is to balance the pH of your skin with clay mud and basically restore your skin. I love kaolin clay because it helps me so much with my oily skin and leaves me feeling glowing. I have never used this before but I know it’s going to be my favourite so I plan to use it on a night in and on a day of self love.

This FRIENVITA – AQUA SPONGE AMPOULE PACK mask was given for free with the purchase at the store and isn’t actually part of the box. I’m going to mention it because all masks make me smile. The instructions are all in another language but it is supposed to be good for sensitive skin as an anti-wrinkle treatment. There’s chamomile and a peptide moisture cream capsule so I’m assuming it’ll be wonderful when my skin is dried out and needs some special loving. Or if I just feel old (and I know I’m not but still) it’ll make me feel better and that’s all I could ask for.

What a wonderful box right? Make sure to use the code SHOW25 when you get yours for 25% off! Because, imagine you get the glow starter box with the discount code, that’s £7.50ish on 4 amazing face masks picked by people who love masking. It literally takes out the hassle but keeps in the fun of masking! What was your favourite mask?

Happy, Shazeda 💛